I wish you didnt love me I wish you'd make this easy It was love that caught me Now it's fear that keeps me, with you I wanna be by your side So i can close my eyes To the growing emptyness inside That kills me, when i'm, with you You try break me, try to hate me so you can fall out of love you wanna make me Believe that im crazy that im nothing without you Its unbelieveable but i believed you Its unforgivable but i forgave you insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you Irreplacable but i replaced you Now im standing on my own Alone... I feel you in my shadow My heart feels cold and hollow No matter where i run i see Your eyes always follow me you try to hold me try to own me keeping somthing thats not yours you wanna make me believe that im crazy Make me think that your the cure Its unbelieveable but i believed you Unforgivable but i forgave you insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you Irreplacable but i replaced you Now im standing on my own Alone... your still haunting me in my sleep Your all i see but i cant go back cuz i know its wrong for us to go on And im growing strong to confront my fears whoa, ohhhhhh, hey yeah!!!! oh, whoa, ohhhhhhhhhh!!!! Its unbelieveable but i believed you Unforgivable but i forgave you insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you Irreplacable but i replaced you Now im standing on my own Aaaallllloooonnnneee!!!! yeah-eh-yeah!!
Now for those of you who don't know me, or may not know me that well. Last year
around the end of June my ex boyfriend of a year and a half split. We had
plans to get married, build a house and have that happy little life. This song could
not describe that relationship any better, at least that's how I feel. The friendship
that we kind of have going now, is better then that relationship. We aren't supposed
to be together, and God knows that. Some how he is the biggest temtation any girl
could have that has dated him. Something about him makes you want to keep going
back from more and more pain. He knows what he did, he knows he didn't treat me
good. I now know that he isn't what I need. Even in the worst situations, I feel like I
want to go back with him. He was all I knew for a year and half. And when you think
you've found the one you want to be with for the rest of your life...it's hard for you to
think any differently for a while. Still to this day, there are times I want to be with him.
I know that there is absolutly NO WAY I would go back with him, though the thrill of
thinking something could be gives me such a high adrenalin rush. It has only been
8 months since he broke up with me...it still feels just like yesturday. To think my ex
had a new girlfriend that very next week, hurts so much. I'm still not 100% over him,
and to be truthfull I don't believe I ever will be. Thats part in dating someone whos
your first for everything. There's no longer anything I can do, other then be strong and
know that I deserve much better then that. He was a good guy in some aspects, but
most of the time the bad outweighed the good as horrible as that is to say it's true.
Until I find the right guy, I think I will continually have that thought of being with him.
Although he constantly says things to turn me off...that want is always going to be
there. I have forgave him for what he's done. I know I wasn't the perfect girlfriend.
When putting a girl of my self esteem into a relationship she doesn't belong in, it's
bound to be doomed. I know there's a great guy out there for me, and until I find
that guy whos romantic, sweet, a little rough around the edges, treats me great,
loves my family/friends, enjoys learning things about me as well as the other way
around I'll keep praying God has a plan for me. I may not know what it is, and will
never know, but I will have faith he will lead me to where I need to be, with who I need
to be with. Maybe I will only have another month left of my life, but I know for a fact that
I do not want to live another day with something I will regret not saying, doing, or
following through with. I so badly want to get married and have kids, and live a
decent life. I want a nice little one story house with 4 bedrooms and a basement. I
want that life, my parents couldn't give to me 100%. They gave me everything in the
world, I know they did. They bent over backwards for us kids and I'll love every last
ounce of my parents until the day I DIE! My parents still do what the can for me...and I
am forever greatful for them for that! I can't imagine my life without a family of my own
some day. You always like to think, maybe this one is the one. And maybe he is, God
is the only one who knows. But will he be able to step up to the plate, grow up and
make some sacrifices??? I want a guy so badly that will go to church with me every
Sunday...that would be a dream. That's what I loved so much about Derek, is he was
willing and wanted to go to church. Where can I find someone like that, who will stick
to his word, love me for me, baggage and all. Anyone willing???
relationships
but I guess not. I have a really long journal entry that I want to write on here, but I don't want to take the time to write it right now. I wish I could find a guy around 23 or 24 that I could date, that would treat me great, was good looking, loved my family and my friends...and was wanting to support me later on in life. That what I want...if you can help me out let me know! Alright thats it, later!
I'm bored and I want to go out on a date...haven't been on a date in a long time...since before my last ex...so it hasn't been horribly long time, but its been a while. But anyway...just courious, or am I really that horrible of a person. Alright well..that is all I have to say talk to you all later! 
I want that! Later!
